Who Started This Valentine’s Day Nonsense Anyway?

I remember as a child that yearly trip to the store with my mother to pick out the Valentine’s greeting cards that I would later take to school for all my classmates. Once they were purchased I would peruse them at length determining which was the right one for Becky, for Sandra, and the all important one for Warren. A shoebox was taken to school before the big day; and decorated with my name, hearts and the like. A hole was cut in the top so all the wonderful Valentine’s could be dropped inside. On Valentine’s Day we would all bring in our Valentine’s greeting cards and distribute them into their appropriate boxes. It was such fun looking through all the ones I was given. Seeing how many duplicates I received, seeing if I was lucky enough to get one with a sucker attached, and seeing if there was one from Warren.

You probably have similar childhood memories; and if you are a romantic at heart you probably enjoy Valentine’s Day with all its hearts, cupids, doves, candy, flowers, and such. Do you ever wonder who is responsible for creating what has become one of the biggest commercial holidays of the year.

Wikipedia says “Saint Valentine’s Day, commonly shortened to Valentine’s Day, is an annual commemoration held on February 14th celebrating love and affection between intimate companions.” Further, it credits Pope Gelasius I with establishing Saint Valentine’s Day in 500 AD.

The first “valentine” card is said to have been given by a priest named Valentine who was imprisoned. Supposedly, he fell in love with the jailers blind daughter who visited him during his confinement. He is reported to have performed a miracle by healing her. Before his execution it is said that he wrote her a letter that was signed “From your Valentine”; an expression we still see on greeting cards today. Whether you believe the legend or not, you cannot deny that it makes for a very romantic story.

Another theory links Valentine's Day to the beginning of spring which was considered to be February in ancient Rome. Lupercalia, a festival observed from February 13th through 15th was a time for cleansing. The festival included a fertility ritual and the pairing of bachelors with the young women of the city. These pairings often ended in marriage. This Roman system was considered un-Christian; and later outlawed.

Some say Geoffrey Chaucer first wrote about the association of romantic love and Valentine's Day when he wrote this poem for the first anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia. “For this was on seynt Volantynys day Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.” (For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.) It is assumed that Chaucer was referring to February 14th; however, this seems an unlikely time of year for birds to be mating in England.

Valentine’s Day began to be popular in Great Britain by the 17th century; and commonly celebrated in the 18th century by giving gifts or handwritten notes to friends and lovers. Improvements in printing technology at the end of the 18th century made it easy for printed cards to replace written letters. Handmade valentine’s cards began to be exchanged in the United States in the early 1700s; and Esther Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in the 1840s. History.com reports that according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.

Today, I confess I still love getting Valentine’s greetings. I still don’t get one from Warren; but I do get a lovely one from the love of my life (my husband) every Valentine’s Day. It’s usually filled with words that touch my heart. Isn’t that what Valentine’s Day should be? Showing love in whatever way you can. Whether you send a greeting card, buy a gift, take a loved one out for a nice meal, or have their name tattooed on your arm really doesn’t matter. Even if you think Valentine’s Day is nonsense, what matters is that you let the people you love know that you love them. Seems like we should celebrate Valentine’s Day every day of the year.  Well, shouldn’t we?

How to Make Your Relationship Last a Lifetime

You meet someone, start to date, fall in love, and get married. After about a year and a half, romantic love starts to fade. You wake up one morning; and realize that you don’t feel quite the sizzle you once felt for your spouse. You start to notice his big ears; and he begins making comments about the extra pounds you have put on. So, now what? How do you keep your relationship in tact? Here are some tips and things you should know that just may help.



Communicate-Communicate-Communicate! Good conversation is so important in any relationship that we can’t stress it enough. Being able to express how you feel about anything and everything will bring you closer than you ever imagined. Don’t forget part of good communication is being a great listener. If your spouse needs to talk, make sure you give them your undivided attention; and make sure you HEAR them. A good practice is to repeat what you thought you heard to be sure you are on the same page.

Honesty is the best policy. Once trust is lost, it is very difficult to get it back. Lying about anything or being deceptive in any way will put you on the road to failure.

Respect your spouse. Honor the excellence, abilities, and qualities that made you fall in love in the first place by holding your spouse in the highest esteem.

Be a team player. Working together to reach your goals will help you reach them easier and faster. Any problem, even the most daunting ones seem less troublesome if you attack together. Just knowing that someone always has your back provides a sense of security and comfort.

Fight Fair. In any relationship, it’s inevitable that there will be disagreements. If you are angry it’s always best to wait until you cool off and can discuss the issue calmly. Remember, blows below the belt and cheap shots are not relationship builders. Angry words can create a lot of pain that can linger and fester. Agreeing to never go to sleep angry will motivate you to work things out before bedtime.

You must compromise. There will be times when you and your spouse just can’t agree. No matter what it takes, you must find some common ground. Give and take is tremendously important. If you try hard enough you can always find an acceptable solution to you both.

Talk it up. As time passes we often forget to tell those we love how we feel. Just telling your spouse how great they look in the new outfit they just bought goes a long way towards keeping love alive. Be generous with praise for their accomplishments. Everyone likes a pat on the back, even your spouse. Always say thank you; and never take your spouse for granted. Treat each other like you did when you first met. Say “I love you” as often as you did when you first fell in love.

Don’t joke about what’s bothering you. If you have something on your mind, discuss it calmly. Don’t make snide remarks disguised as jokes. They are always hurtful; and will just make matters worse.

Little things matter the most. Making a grand gesture by buying your spouse an expensive gift is nice; but the little things you fill every day with matter the most. If your spouse always takes out the trash or always does the dishes; surprise him or her by doing it before he or she has a chance. Take turns bringing each other a cup of coffee in bed every morning. Hold hands and sit close together on the sofa like you did when you were dating.

There is no guarantee when it comes to long lasting love; but with a little work and dedication you can live happily ever after.

Soul Mates Meet Online

Let me begin by saying that the women in my family are dreamers. Maybe we don’t dream any more than the average person; but we dream vivid stories that play out like movies in our minds with elaborate backdrops and great attention to detail. Some of us have recurring dreams. Some of us have dreams that are visions of the future. I don’t know if we possess psychic ability or if these dreams are some sort of out of body experience. Call it what you will. As for me, I’ve had both; and hardly a night goes by that I don’t have at least one dream. Most are quickly forgotten upon awaking; but on rare occasions I have had dreams that made such an impact on me, I can remember them even after the passage of many years.

When I was about 14 years old I had a dream that probably wasn’t unlike dreams that many other girls have at that age. So why did I remember it all these years? For most of the years I never knew the answer; but I feel I have it now. First, the dream…

I was sleeping over at a friend’s. Before bedtime nothing unusual happened. We made brownies, watched TV, gossiped, etc. Afterwards, we fell asleep wondering what great fun we would have the next day. As dreams often do, it occurred just before I woke up. It was so real I could feel it. I don’t mean I could imagine feeling it; I mean I COULD FEEL IT! I was in my friend’s den. I don’t know what I was doing there. I was just there. Then he came in…tall, reddish blonde curly hair, blue eyes, just a hint of freckles. He wasn’t my ideal, not drop dead gorgeous; but there was something…something I couldn’t put my finger on. He didn’t speak; and neither did I. Music was playing from somewhere out of the woodwork. So we just started dancing…slow dancing…standing oh so close to each other. It is important to note that I had never slow danced with a boy before. Somehow in my dream, I knew exactly what I was doing…or maybe he did. He sure seemed like he did. He didn’t appear to be much older than me, but he seemed worldly. He seemed to know me; but I didn’t know him. I had never seen him before. Even so, he was familiar. We just kept dancing, holding each other close. There still weren’t any words, but it didn’t matter. It felt so good…so right…like I could stay there forever. And then...and then…it happened. He looked tenderly at me. He lowered his head. His lips touched mine. They were so soft, so tender. He was kissing me. What? A kiss? NO! THE KISS! A kiss like no other. I felt like I was melting. Again, I emphasize the word “felt” because I COULD FEEL IT! There was so much in that kiss…so much love…so much promise. Then, it was over. Not the kiss, the dream. I was awake. I desperately wanted to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to lose him, to lose that feeling. I couldn’t close my eyes for thinking about the dream, for thinking about HIM. I had never kissed a boy, but from that moment on I knew what it would…no, I knew what it SHOULD feel like. To this day, I can still feel that kiss. After all, it was my first.

In all the years since I had that dream; I have only shared it with a few people. I guess I always knew it was somehow important; but it really didn’t enter my life on an everyday basis. I would recall it once in a while when something would trigger the memory. I would remember fondly; and once again wonder who HE was. Then life’s realities would take him away again. As the years went by I recalled the dream less and less; but I never forgot.

The dream was far from my mind when I met Bruce. Met is a relevant word here. We “met” online, in a chat room to be exact. He made me laugh; and there was something about him. There was an immediate connection like two pieces of a puzzle that you’ve been looking for, something I detected based solely on our conversations. We didn’t exchange photos right away. In fact, it didn’t even come up in conversation. We were happy just talking or typing, actually; and that is how our relationship began. We would meet in the chat room or instant message each other or exchange emails. We talked and laughed and joked about everything. We got to know each other, probably better than most people who are dating do. I thought we would never meet face-to-face as he was so far away from Tennessee. California…isn’t that a foreign country? He said “never say never”. This was how it went for a few months. Then he asked if he could call me. I didn’t have to think about it too hard because I wanted him to call me. I wanted to hear the voice that went with all those typed conversations. I gave him my number; and he called that night. We talked for hours…until the next day…until his ear fell off. I still remember that phone call. I don’t remember another time in my life when I’ve laughed so hard or had more fun than I did then.

Ok, so he called. In the light of the next day, I began to wonder what “never say never” meant. We still chatted online. We still exchanged emails. He called every few days. Soon, it was time. I wasn’t expecting it. I was checking email as usual; and there it was. An email with his photo attached. I wondered briefly if I should look at it….very briefly, that is. Then, I did. I just sat there staring at the reddish blonde curly hair and the blue eyes I had seen before; and I COULD FEEL IT! The dancing, the lips, the kiss, the melting…it all came back like being wrapped in a warm blanket when you’ve just come in from the freezing cold…comforting…just what you need.

NOW, I knew. I knew why I had the dream, why it had always seemed so important, why I met Bruce by chance in a chat room out of millions and millions of people in the online world, why I felt the connection immediately. I knew he was THE ONE. The one who makes me complete, makes me be a better me. The one I’m supposed to spend my life with. The one I love with every fiber of my being. Mo Anam Cara (My soul mate). Not everyone is as lucky as me. I had a road map in the form of a dream to lead me to the love of my life. I don’t know if I could have done anything differently to find Bruce sooner. I don’t think so. As they say, timing is everything. So here I am, in that foreign country called California married to the red-headed stranger; and I CAN STILL FEEL IT!

Copyright © 2010 Denise Shea - All Rights Reserved