30,000 Found Dead in Japan

We have all heard the words “good job” but very rarely do you hear “perfect job”. Try as we might perfection is impossible to achieve; and that is what drives a perfectionist crazy. All of our lives we have heard “nothing is perfect”; but we continue to strive for perfection. Most of us have perfectionist tendencies; but when it becomes an obsession, perfectionism is a disorder.

Who would you rather have in this scenario, a perfectionist, or someone that does a good job? You have very little time to get a proposal ready for a customer. If the proposal is not completed in time you will lose a $100,000.00 contract. It is your job to assign the task to either Jane Doe, the perfectionist, or John Doe, the “good job person”. It needs to be perfect; but if it’s late you’re dead in the water. Jane Doe is your best worker; and every job she does is “perfect”. While talking to Jane you find out it takes her 3 hours or longer to get dressed for work. She tries on each outfit to make sure it is perfect for that day. So, if you assign the job to Jane she will definitely provide you a perfect proposal; but will she get it done in time? In this scenario, John might be your best choice as he will do a good job; AND get it completed by the deadline.

Perfectionism, as defined by The American Heritage Dictionary is a propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards. Perfectionists are often high-achievers; and they are also at risk for eating disorders, sexual dysfunction, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, divorce, and suicide. They lead a life of continual anxiety and fear of failure even when they succeed. As is the case with Jane, she has to be perfectly dressed before leaving for work. Even simple daily tasks can create tremendous anxiety. Read more about perfectionism here.

Why is being a perfectionist a bad thing? Stress plays a major role in your health; and perfectionists spend much of their time stressed. We are taught from early childhood to be perfect, especially in school. The pressure for good grades by your teachers, parents and peers plants the seed of perfectionism. Problems can arise when children are pressured for excellence. Dr. Sidney J. Blatt, a psychologist at Yale University, and others say that harsh parental standards are a frequent source of neurotic perfectionism. Such expectations send a message to the child that whatever he or she does is never quite good enough; and that the child must be flawless in order to win approval and love.

The solution might be to stop the grading system of A,B,C,D or F. The grading system of pass or fail is itself a failure. Pass or fail grading promotes under-achieving and “just getting by”. So, maybe the system should be Good job, Just getting by, and Under-achieving. You can add a category of “over-achieving” with a warning to parents of the dangers of perfectionism. Japans suicide rate is about 30,000 a year due to many factors; but the one that stands out the most is failure due to the pressures of perfectionism. Failure for a perfectionist or even the perceived notion of failure can send a perfectionist into the dark depths of suicide.

Unfortunately, the reward system we have when we are young starts the perfectionism ball rolling. We are praised; and given money when we get good grades. That feels good; so we then strive to please and be rewarded over and over again. People want to feel good; so they chase the feel good dragon. To the perfectionist the feel good dragon is being rewarded for perfection.

Perhaps, the best thing to do is take a critical look at how our school system and accepted parenting practices are potentially creating future perfectionists. Of course, we don’t want to lower standards to prevent this. How would you like a doctor who was a chronic under-achiever? So, where is the middle ground? Maybe a system that rewarded effort on a regular basis rather than just the final result is the answer.

How do we do a good job without crossing the line into perfectionism? Simply put, we don’t know. Maybe that is a question that can only be answered on an individual basis. However, we believe it is possible to do something to help future generations avoid the anxiety and stress that striving for perfection cultivates. We need our children to learn to do their best; and be able to accept that it is good enough.